Warning: This is a frustrated rant from a frustrated momma.
If you’ve been following this blog, perhaps you’ve been a little disconcerted by the positive tone. (At least I’ve tried to keep it positive.) The whole, “Keep going! You can do it! Don’t stop believing – yada, yada!” chirps like an annoying friend who keeps trying to get you to try sushi or join her gym. I want to motivate you as well as myself because sometimes we need a kick in the pants.
But sometimes we hit a wall.
I hit one today. And I hit it pretty hard. Now, this should be the point where I say I smashed through that wall and came out stronger, but that would be a lie. The wall won. I walked away from the wall bloodied and broken. Ouchie.
Because the truth is: sometimes postpartum sucks. It’s not all rainbows and kittens, people. It’s ups and downs, never a spare moment, no more dates, and your pants don’t fit kind of sucking. Man, does your self esteem take a royal beating. You feel ugly and fat. You’re sleep deprived, and you haven’t showered in two days. You have no patience or sympathy for your children or random strangers. You’re not pleasant to be around. You want to share these feelings with your husband, but the you’re too physically and mentally exhausted to get the words out.
So you write a blog post instead covering all the uncomfortable truths that are beating you down:
Truth #1: Being overweight sucks. I’ve tried to be upbeat about the baby weight, and I’ve bared my post baby belly for the world to see. Maybe you think I’m showboating. Maybe you think I’m brave. But the truth is, I’m carrying 15 extra lbs that I don’t like. I think most of us don’t like being overweight. Whether it’s that last 5 lbs to fit into a wedding dress, the 30 lbs of baby weight, or the 100 lbs that keep you from truly loving your God-given body, it sucks. (And if you are overweight and love your body, good for you!) This isn’t about comparison or competition. It’s commiserating. I don’t like my body right now, and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. So can we please spread the love? Love each other, encourage each other, and support each other because we have enough suckiness.
Truth #2: Being sleep deprived sucks. It’s a form a torture, really. People will tell you to sleep when baby sleeps, but guess what? When you have other children, or a job, or insomnia, you can’t sleep! There is nothing more powerful than a newborn who will deny you sleep. Talk about bringing grown woman to tears on a nightly basis. I can get mad, or frustrated, or scream into a pillow, and it doesn’t change a thing. That tiny little person refuses to sleep, and she wants company.
Truth #3: Hormones suck. One moment I’m Mary Freaking Poppins, and the next I’m the Wicked Witch of the West, green face and everything. I can get irrationally angry and impatient. I can burst into tears over a commercial. (The one with the Olympians and their moms? I weep.) I can snarl and snap like a rabid dog, and then turn around and need a big, giant hug from my husband. And then get mad that he didn’t shave. (Please pray for my husband, the poor guy.) There’s nothing to do about it except wait it out. Thank you, hormones.
Truth #4: Kids sometimes suck. I love my children more than life itself, but sometimes they kind of suck. They’re sinners, they screw up, and they have bad days. My four year old deliberately spits water on the floor. My two year old screams and throws an epic tantrum when his brother calls him a “bad guy.” My newborn projectile spits up down my chest. Potty accidents, poop, vomit, spit up, blood, tears, boogers – so many gross bodily fluids! I keep telling myself it’s a good thing they’re cute.
Truth #5: Peeing yourself sucks. A sneeze, a hearty laugh, a small jump, and OOPS! It doesn’t always happen, but heaven help you when it does. Luckily there are products you can purchase to deal with the LBL, but still. Not really a boost to the ego. And of course, when you’re sleep deprived, dealing with children, and overweight, the sudden leakage can lead to tears. (See Truth #3)
With all this weighing me down, what did I do?
I went running. Then I wrote this. Then I had ice cream.
It might not be the perfect solution, but it took away some of the suckiness. Now I just hope I can get some sleep.
(Note: I good chunk of this was written one handed while holding a little night owl.)